If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
