Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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