he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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