Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
