Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
