I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
