just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We have started to decorate penises.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
