i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
