How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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