I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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