I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
