he told me I talked like a deaf person
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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