how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
