hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
