If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
