my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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