I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
