Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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