need another drink. this is the easiest way
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
