If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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