You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
