Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
