dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
