I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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