oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize