You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
