This girl is more easily done than said...
i think my mom watched the whole time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
