it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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