I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
