guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
