New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize