I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
