I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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