Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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