my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
