so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
