I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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