My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
too bad you live with your parents still
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Randomize