omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i love accidental penises.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry my hands just texted you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
