Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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