Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
