Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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