make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
