Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
