By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
