Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
