Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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