It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
