She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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