Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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