If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
