Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
