Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
