shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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