I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
