hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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