You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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