i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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