She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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