if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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