Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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