Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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