i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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