a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
