I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
