When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
