Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
