69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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