He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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